Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
