Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
