Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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