what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
