Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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