The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
