PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
