i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
