i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
