She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
