Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
