And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
