Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
