after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
