she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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