I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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