He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
