I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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