I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
operation harelip BJ is a go
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
