Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
