he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
