I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
