i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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