i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You are the jesus of drinking
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
