Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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