youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
