I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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