The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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