I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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