got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
