So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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