Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
