What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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