I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
