we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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