My first STD was from a foam party
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
