dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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