i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
