Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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