THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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