I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
