i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
