So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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