Too much gin, very little bucket
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
