I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
