I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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