you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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