hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
