i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
