I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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