Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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