You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
