Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
