Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
