Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
