we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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