mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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