then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He better not be in your backpack
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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