chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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