you guys were way drunker than both of me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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