I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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