today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
