He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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