Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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