listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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