Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
