The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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