What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize