I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize