I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize