just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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