I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Two words: blizzard sex
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
