did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
