Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
